reflections

Pasé la mayor parte del día trabajando en ese pequeño blog: escribiendo mi publicación previa y ajustando ciertas funcionalidades y el diseño del sitio. No me gusta sentarme frente a la pantalla tanto tiempo, así que decidí montar la bici antes del atardecer para estar al aire libre y descansar los ojos.

Fue exactamente lo que necesitaba.

Terminé andando en bici durante casi una hora, explorando nuevos rincones de mi vecindario. Me sentía tan cómoda con mi piel y con el control total de todo. Había un vínculo muy poderoso entre las diferentes partes de mí: la física, la mental y la emocional. Fue muy liberador.

En momentos así, solo puedo sentir una gran gratitud. O sea, que vivo en una zona repleta de senderos sinuosos; que estoy sana y que puedo hacer esas cosas; que puedo ver los árboles imponentes, toda la vegetación y los animales, especialmente los gatos y los pájaros.

Me daba mucha felicidad ver el cielo cambiar de color hasta que mi alrededor quedaba cubierto de oscuridad, y las únicas luces eran las del faro delantero, la luz trasera y el brillo anaranjado de las farolas que bordeaban las calles. A la distancia, también podía ver las casas iluminadas; las familias que probablemente estaban preparando la cena o descansando después de un día ocupado.

La bici me daba valor para explorar las calles en la oscuridad, lugares que nunca me harían sentir segura al visitarlos a pie. Con mi bici preciosa, siento que puedo hacer cualquier cosa.

Qué placer estar viva.

Life has been hectic lately—a blur of endless coughing fits, antibiotics, sleeping, and blazing through crime and mystery novels to stay sane. I mostly use Instagram to chat with friends, but in one way or another, my feed has now transformed into a treasure trove of hiking and outdoor-related posts, and I welcome it. In fact, I discovered the NGO I mentioned yesterday through an IG ad.

I scroll until I get my fill, and then I save reels of mountains I’d like to conquer one day, or hiking schedules from various organizers. (Soon, I’ll be in a rabbit hole to figure out which ones are reliable.) Occasionally, I’d also watch detailed hiking videos on YouTube, because why not?

I just recovered from an illness that’s partly due to the Pulag hike (emphasis on partly because I was already half sick days before the hike), but I’m already thinking about which trail to visit next. Or which outdoor activity to do.

I’ve always loved nature, sure, but I’ve only ever admired it from afar. On the outskirts, nestled in my home, gazing at Mt. Makiling and its hazy outline from our iron-clad windows. Inside a vehicle, zooming past towering trees or catching a glimpse of the Sierra Madre mountain range while we traverse the city’s polluted highways.

I’ve always been a homebody, but now, there’s an itch inside me, an intense yearning for the great outdoors. Most people entering their 30s transition to a “calmer” lifestyle, choosing the comforts of home over adventure. But the reverse is happening to me.

Sometimes, I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

And instead of feeling alarmed, I feel liberated.

Here’s to growth and stepping outside of your comfort zone.

I randomly stumbled upon CRCP an environmental NGO focused on coral reef and rainforest conservation. They also happen to offer a wide range of classes on these topics.

After a few minutes of browsing their website, my heart thrumming against my chest in excitement, I was already filling out a contact form to learn more about their offerings. Their one-week programs were enticing but too daunting for an introvert like me (at least for now), so I inquired about their one-day course on rainforest ecosystems instead (a lecture followed by a field activity).

The last section of the form was the classic “Tell me about yourself.” My hands flew across my keyboard, and after quickly polishing the text, I submitted it without a second thought. I didn’t want to give myself the chance to overthink and back out.

Here’s what I came up with:

Hi! I’m Anne from Laguna. I’ve been working in the corporate world for around 8 years. I hold a Bachelor of Arts degree, and one of my biggest what-ifs in life is, “What if I’d pursued the natural sciences instead?”

I’ve always been fascinated by nature, particularly trees, forests, and the mountains. I also love the ocean and its many secrets, and learning to swim—and, eventually, scuba dive—is on my bucket list. For now, though, I want to focus on the land first, starting with forests.

For years, nature has been at the back of my mind, but I never seriously considered learning about it. Sure, I’d expose myself to nature-related books, online courses, videos, documentaries, and podcasts, but it was always just a phase. For one reason or another, nature was never fully integrated into my daily life. When I finally went hiking for the first time this month, after putting it off for years because I lacked the confidence, I realized what had been missing.

Being out in nature and learning firsthand.

It seems so simple, but I’ve never been an “outdoor girl.” I live in a city and have always considered myself a homebody. I didn’t grow up camping, hiking, or spending weekends in nature. But now that I’m in my 30s, I’m ready to finally embrace this side of myself and pursue my passion for the natural world. One is never too old to learn, and learning doesn’t have to be in a formal academic setting.

I’m looking forward to this new stage of my life, and I’d love to learn with your organization in the future.

Was it oversharing? Most likely.

Do I regret sending it? Definitely not.

Can I afford their classes, which also entails flying across the country? Absolutely not, but there’s no harm in asking, right?

I’ve been dreaming—and daydreaming—about the mountains lately. And mossy forests, with the damp forest floor littered with leaves and debris, and all the flora and fauna I might see for the very first time. I’m sure it would feel surreal, and that I wouldn’t have the words to describe it all.

There’s an unfamiliar yearning inside me. It’s strange, this kind of nostalgia, given that I’ve never actually been to the mountains before—at least, not in the truest sense of the word. I’ve never witnessed the mountain’s wildness; never gazed at its beauty in its unabashed rawness. I’ve always just been a passive observer, enjoying nature from the comforts of a vehicle traversing paved concrete roads.

My first ever hike is in a few days, and I’m thrilled and scared at the same time. A part of me is worried I’m not physically or mentally fit for it, even though many people describe hiking Mt. Pulag via the Ambangeg trail as a “walk in the park.” I exercise pretty regularly—nothing too intense, but I always try to move. That should be enough, right?

I’m mostly nervous about the cold. I’m from a tropical country that’s inhumanely warm and humid for most of the year, and the lowest temperature I’ve ever experienced was around 13°C in Taipei. I’m pretty sensitive to extreme temperatures: I get warm and cold more easily than most people do. I’ve already purchased all the necessary layers, but I still feel unprepared somehow.

I guess I can never be fully prepared for this. I only had a few days to research and get ready. And since this is my first hike, I have no idea what to expect. Like, at all.

What I’m really bummed about, though, is that I’m catching a fever, only because I didn’t drink water quickly enough after enjoying a glass of sweetened red iced tea and chocolate-filled pretzels two nights ago. I’m not good with overly sweet treats and drinks anymore, and my throat is the first to take the brunt of it. And when I catch a sore throat, it almost always ends up becoming a full-blown fever. It starts as a sore throat, progressing into a runny nose, an itchy throat, then a fever. I know the cycle too well by now.

I still have a couple of days. I’ve been doing my best to stop the illness in its tracks, but there’s just so much I can do.

Here’s to hoping that things go in my favor.